7.5 tonne HGV Driver wanted
| I saw a job advert in the newspaper today: '7.5 tonne HGV driver required'. They will struggle to get anybody that weight. It’s been suggested that I should write my memoirs, as I don’t know what that means I'm just going to write down some stories from my life My Gran says that believing in superstition is just pure bad luck |
Keeping my nose clean
| I always think It is sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels My Gran said; "Keep your head down and nose clean at work Siadwell" Which was fine until I was sacked for picking my nose under the desk My Gran said "Siadwell, you start from the bottom and work your way up." Is that a way to teach me how to swim? |
A thousand packets of viagra have been stolen
| It has always puzzled me why are there only four cup-a-soup sachets in a box when there is five working days in a week A thousand packets of Viagra were stolen from a Llansamlet chemists last week, the man responsible is still at large As a boy, Gran gave me a box of tin soldiers, I threw away all the Generals, Sergeants and Majors, I just played all day with my Privates I once considered becoming a monk when I was young but I was cloisterphobic |
I found them on the bottom shelf
| I was at the hospital visiting my Gran the other day and passing the Maternity Room I saw a sign on the door that said: Push. Push. Push. I went to the chemist today looking for 'Germoloids' or 'Preparation H' for my Gran and luckily found them there on the bottom shelf My birthday and all my Gran could afford was a second hand cough sweet which was lucky really as I have a sore throat |
Christmas shopping
| They say that the cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world, clearly having never seen Gravel hit the January sales in Swansea I’ve just been shopping and it’s ridiculous as the local supermarket has got festive decorations up; it’s only 358 days until Christmas My Gran knows I love reading and for Christmas got me a book, which is lucky really as I love looking at the last year’s Argos Catalogue |
I thought my name was Noel
| My Gran got me a tablet for Christmas, which is quite lucky really as I had a headache and needed a Paracetamol For many years my mam said that my name was Noel, so at this time of year I thought all the Christmas cards were really my birthday cards Christmas dinner, a packet of cheese and onion crisps, a Twix and a bottle of Ribena. Quite lucky really as I have that every day |